new life

It's almost been a whole year since I've written in here. A whole LOT of stuff has happened. I feel like I've lived 3 lives in these past 11 months.

I broke up with first ex M after 5 years. I got into a relationship with someone new way too fast that I had to end it about 7 months later because I was always unsure all along. Now for the past couple months there's been a bunch of shit talkers and meddlers that somehow are very interested in my life. Some boy drama. All that good shit.

It's weird to me that I'm actually talked about by people now. After breaking up with M I guess all inhibitions were lost. I went all out partying (well not really...compared to some people I know, my partying was small fry), met a bunch of new people. Got into a totally different type of scene than what I was used to before. Lots and lots of changes.

Changes to the way I thought, way I acted, way I felt about things. It's not that I'm not the same person, I've just, I don't know, grown up quite a bit. I'm a bit less uptight, a little more carefree, and a lot more fun. I'm still learning to not give  a fuck what people have to say because this side of things is new to me. I was and still not a shit talker. If I have nothing good to say I'll not say it unless otherwise justified in saying it.

But this is not the case with, let's say about, 80% of people my age. It's been a totally new experience to me having friends tell me they heard this and that. All I'm thinking is "What the fuck? Who's saying this shit? Or who cares enough to even talk about me?" It's kind of ridiculous. But I really don't care as long as my friends know who I am. Why would I care what some stranger who I have no idea who they are thinks. I guess I can even take it as a compliment that they're so interested in my life because theirs is probably not as exciting.


Also getting out of the first relationship with M made me realize what was important in life. You can probably call me cynical now but I feel like everyone needs to wake up one day from the fantasy that is love.

I'm learning to follow my head more than my heart now. It's a really difficult decision to follow through with I find. Humans are very emotional beings. I feel like I've frosted over my heart so that there's this barrier there. I can see into it, see what my heart wants, feel what it feels, but that barrier keeps it from consuming me whole. I feel like I can think more clearly.

Ha, this blog post is kinda of emo. But no I've actually had a lot of fun lately. Been blossoming into my own skin. Hopefully shedding away that awkward, shy Carrie that was once me.

Lets see what this new life brings.